Resilience is the quality that enables us to take life as it is and manage it in a healthy way.  As candidates, our missions look for characteristics of resilience.  As we serve in ministry we need to nurture this so that we have the strength to fulfill the call God has given us, even when we know it will be painful and difficult—staying fixed on the higher purpose, motivated by love, supported by friends while realizing that they can let us down, carried by the One who called us (1).

I was introduced to a process of developing a Personal Model of Resiliency at the Mental Health and Missions Conference in November, 2009 by Dr. Duncan Westwood of the International Health Management in Toronto, Canada(2).  This Conference is focused on Mental Health providers who work with missionaries, so the process as laid out is used to guide the counselors as they work with their clients in evaluating their strengths for resilience.

The first step of this process can be done without therapeutic guidance—conduct an Ordinary Resiliency Search.  As we look at our life in relationship to our Upward Journey (God), our Inward Journey (self and family) and Outward Journey (others) we are to search for a symbol, song, story, image and or metaphor of resiliency that describes our journey.  These should be:

inspiring,

contain adversity,

capture our whole being,

be portable, and

speak to the core of our being.

To help get you started, I’ll share a few personal examples.

• While I have been on home assignment in the United States, my image of resilience this year has been the Lord as my Shepherd. Needing a time of restoration after a full, fruitful but draining term of ministry, the image of being a sheep cared by the Shepherd has repeatedly brought me comfort and rest.
• A number of years ago I was facing surgery, with the possible discovery of cancer.  The refrain of “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus” was the song that provided strength — “Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him, how I’ve proved Him, o’er and o’er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, O for grace to trust Him more.”  My heart and my mind have gone back to that song at other times of struggling to trust during uncertainties.

As you are reading, stop and spend a few minutes quietly searching your heart for a symbol that describes your resilience. When you have that symbol in your mind, ask yourself these questions:

What did you find most life-giving about this symbol?

What did it tell you about yourself?

What was your most recent experience of God’s love?

While this is only the first step in the process (which then looks at adversities or challenges that need to be overcome in our lives, identifies attributes of resiliency along with risk factors that are already part of who we are, determines the presence or absence of protective factors in ourselves, screens  for the degree and number of stressors in our lives, and appraises our coping resources before developing and applying our Personal Model of Resiliency) I hope that in itself this will provide encouragement, strength and refocus for you.

Sources:

(1) Karen Carr, “If You Want to Go Far…” Mental Health and Missions Plenary. November 21, 2009.

(2) Duncan P. Westwood, Ph.D., “Developing a Personal Model of Resiliency”, Workshop at Mental Health and Missions, November 21, 2009.

The final piece in the review “package” is the one that should take place prior to leaving on home assignment.  Before we conclude our term, it is good to take time to reflect on the ministry that is drawing to a close.  This allows us to reexamine our ministry in light of God’s call for us to be here in the first place.

Many of us can recite the story of how we were first led to Japan—whether it was through a dramatic supernatural call, an availability to serve wherever God led us, or through a growing interest in Japan and increasing awareness of the spiritual needs of the Japanese. While the actual definition of the missionary call is hard to pin down, according to the editors of ReMAPII (Retaining Missionaries: Agency Practices), “What is important for retention is to have spent time (individually and with others) being certain of God’s desire for you to do something and/or go somewhere, to the extent that you can look back to that experience and hold on to it during the hard times.”¹ Many missionaries have said, “Without [a call from God] we would have left long ago.”²

Just as our pursuit of God is not a one-step event but a life-long journey, so our call to service is not just that first sense of God’s leading, but a growing conviction through our ongoing relationship with Christ and our increasing experience in our ministry context. “We have yet to meet a long-term missionary who has not felt that call and a personal sense of call was utterly vital to their own missionary journey.”  ³

So as we come to the end of a ministry term, we gain insight and guidance as we examine our work in light of the call that we received from God.  We ask ourselves questions like—

• “What were the end results I was looking for this term and to what degree have these been achieved?”
• “What activities have I been involved with during this term?  To what extent were they satisfying or fulfilling?  Were they consistent with my call?  Were they consistent with my mission assignment?
• “What did God accomplish through me this term?
• “In what ways did God work in my life personally, professionally and spiritually this term?”

We also have the opportunity to examine areas where we need help in finishing well.

• “Are there unresolved on-field relationships I need to reconcile before leaving?”
• “What were the biggest obstacles I encountered this term?
• “What were some of the most difficult experiences?”

We reflect on areas where we need retooling of ministry skills.  We identify where we and our families need help for spiritual, emotional and physical restoration and renewal while on home assignment.

Recently I’ve been reviewing materials from a Pre-Home Assignment Workshop as well as reading several books on Missionary Fundraising. Together they have emphasized the importance of being able to articulate our call to missions, our vision, and the value of our work in light of furthering the Kingdom of God in communication with our supporters.  Pre-home assignment reviews provide us with one tool to bring our ministry and call back into focus.

1. Hay, Rob, Worth Keeping: Global Perspectives on Best Practice in Missionary Retention (2007, World Evangelical Alliance Mission Commission) 95.

2. Ibid., 94.

3. Ibid., 94.

When our focus group of Missionary Care Personnel met in January, we looked at several missions’ short-term review processes. While each one has different approach to short-term reporting, their reasons are quite similar. Doing a Monthly Review (or in one mission’s case, Weekly) acknowledges and encourages the personal well-being of a missionary. It provides a structure to give information to and receive feedback from a supervisor. A mission can use it to monitor ministry, trends, and staff needs. Proper use of the review by the mission can prevent crises.

Missionaries benefit from the Monthly Review because they have a place to evaluate what they are doing and see if it is in keeping with what they are supposed to be doing, in light of their job descriptions or annual plans. Submitting the Monthly Review to a supervisor (who responds appropriately) can keep them from feeling like their work doesn’t matter or that no one knows or cares. A popular management consultant writes that anonymity, irrelevance andimmeasureability are the three signs of a miserable job. (Lencioni) A well thought out Monthly Review would address all three areas.

Both missions and missionaries should find that developing a pattern of Monthly Reviews leads to greater satisfaction and less frustration within their organizations and ministries. This provides information for both organizations and individuals to make better decisions. This contributes to missionary retention because issues can be spotted and dealt with proactively, rather than waiting until they become too big. It provides a place to document challenges and successes.

What makes a good Monthly Review? The objectives of the Review need to be clear and understood within the organization. This includes a common definition of the vocabulary used in the tool. It needs to be easy to use—the variety of forms we looked at included web-based reports with pull down menus, Word document forms, and printed protocol questions. It should take between 30 minutes to two hours, depending on the format, to complete the Review. An effective tool can include personal and ministry related questions. And finally, any review process needs to have some flexibility to be tailored to the missionary’s life stage and the desired outcome—a mother with young children might possibly benefit more from a scripted conversation with a peer or mentor as opposed to filling out a form.

Our focus group had a few words of caution. If Monthly Reviews appear to be only a record of the past, which is unalterable, a missionary may resist participating, but if its purpose is to help structure the future, he or she will more open. Also, people need to know where the information goes, who will see it, and have assurance of agreed-upon levels of confidentiality. And finally, don’t start this if you aren’t going to use it!

Lenioni, Patrick, The Three Signs of a Miserable Job. (2007, Jossey-Bass)

This past fall the JEMA Member Care committee looked at five different missions’ review forms, with lengths that varied from 1 to 13 pages.  The purposes of the reviews included identifying problems, discussing performance, providing a record of work and results, and encouraging personal development.  In a few of missions these were only given at mid and end of term.  In some missions these functioned as performance reviews, whereas in others they were specifically life-long-learning and development assessments.

We discussed in our group what we saw as the benefits of an Annual Review:

•  Accountability—A missionary has the opportunity to ask and be asked if they are achieving what they are supposed to be achieving.
• Feedback—A missionary can receive both encouragement and challenge as he or she engages in discussion about their ministry. In the process a missionary’s strengths can be identified and confirmed.
• Focus—A missionary’s ministry can be evaluated in light of their organizational vision and strategy. “Am I doing what I was supposed to be doing, or have I gotten off course?  What adjustments need to be made to clarify my goals and to re-set my direction in ministry?
• Needs get addressed—A missionary is able to discuss personal or professional development needs, as well as anticipate upcoming changes for personal or ministry purposes.

One of the findings in the World Evangelical Alliance ReMAP II (Retaining Missionaries: Agency Practices) survey published in 2007 states that the use of appraisals and individual reviews is highly correlated with missionary retention.  Reviews provide mission partners with the opportunity to be praised while also being encouraged to improve or change the ministry as well as to submit their own ideas and observations to help their organization fulfill its goals.¹

In spite of the positive benefits to an Annual Review, our group came up with several reasons why there is often resistance to actually participating in the review process:

• Lack of commitment—Annual Reviews and other appraisals represent an added burden to many mission leaders and missionaries, often being viewed as form filling and time consuming without connection to organizational realities
• Trust—If a missionary lacks trust in the reviewer or the process of how the material is handled, most often there will be a lack of transparency. 
• Timing—Reviews that are administered too infrequently, lose the benefit of constructive mid-course corrections.  Not having a regularly scheduled time to reflect on the work can dilute the effectiveness of the power of a good conversation
• Lack of felt need—Many missionaries are working without clear job descriptions. They don’t know where they are going, but they keep busy, frequently viewing their busyness as a sign of their value to God, supporters and ministry partners.

Why should Annual Reviews be done?  The ReMAP II study editors suggested that such appraisals increase an individual’s and the organization’s performance or ministry success by working smarter, not harder.  Appraisals help missions and missionaries track whether their gifts and passions are rightly matched within their ministry assignment.  “Appraisals are a key way to show appreciation, provide help in difficulties, recognize and develop training opportunities in a world more obsessed with learning than ever, and motivate toward fulfillment in ministry.” ²

1. Hay, Rob, Worth Keeping: Global Perspectives on Best Practice in Missionary Retention (2007, World Evangelical Alliance Mission Commission) 299.

2. Ibid., 304.

Most of us are concerned that we are doing the right things in our ministries and in our personal lives.  Yet I have heard from several sources that missionaries tend to be busy, often we are doing the wrong things.  In an effort to prove to ourselves, our co-workers, our supporting constituencies, and perhaps even to God that we are of value, we fill our schedules with activities that may be good, but not right. 

Over the course of the next three issues, we will explore different kinds of evaluation and debriefing tools to help us to grow personally, spiritually, emotionally and professionally.   This time, however, I challenge you to find a peer with whom you can meet on a regular basis for a focused and deliberate conversation, using the questions in the sidebar as your template for discussion.   

How can a good, focused conversation help you do the right things in your work?  We posed this question to a group of Member Care facilitators in May:

A good conversation gives perspective.  Sometimes there is power in talking—as if the creative juices get going when we begin to verbalize.  In interaction with one another we can receive feedback, and discover gaps in our thinking.

A good conversation provides encouragement.  It can be motivational and serve to reignite our original passion and the call.

A good conversation can lead to shared resources, and increases the possibilities of solutions. There is synergy that comes from the input and reflection of another person.

A powerfully good conversation doesn’t have to be lengthy.  We have used the questions below in a “15-minute per person” exercise.  Follow the last question with one more—“How can I pray for you?” Try this at your next mission gathering by breaking up into pairs.  It will take 30 minutes to practice this conversation! 

Doing this with a peer once a month, or more frequently, could help you be more strategic, focused and effective in your service for Christ.  Hopefully it will help you to avoid spending your time on the wrong things!

Conversation Protocol: the DRAW Process

Why reconcile?  Jesus taught it to His followers in the Sermon on the Mount “if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, …first go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23,24).  Paul wrote, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 2:23).

When we refuse to reconcile, we give the devil a foothold which reduces the effectiveness of our every day lives and ministry. When we leave without reconciling it is much harder to reach a resolution.  In a recent conversation with administrators at the Christian Academy in Japan, they told me of “adult missionary kids” who stop by, sometimes after several decades, to talk about their often painful memories related to school, parents, or other missionaries in their community.  Being able to verbalize the pain with school staff is often the beginning of long overdue healing.

Ron Koteskey (www.missionarycare.com), in his downloadable pamphlet What Missionaries Ought to Know about Reconciliation encourages reconciliation to take place as soon as possible after we realize we need it.  He includes several steps to help people through forgiveness and into reconciliation   The format is a back and forth exercise that can be used in a cyclical manner until all offensive actions have been discussed and people brought together again in a restored relationship.

Another very helpful source for materials on reconciliation is Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Some of the book appears as excerpts on the Peacemaker Ministries website (www.peacemaker.net)    Sande states the premise that conflict often comes from unmet desires in our own hearts (see James 4:1-3). The downloadable article entitled “Getting to the Heart of the Conflict” has a list of “x-ray” questions to guide an examination of our hearts in the conflict or offending situation.

A few years ago I spoke with a People Resources Team leader from The Navigators.  They have developed Relational Healing: a Reconciliation and Resolution Mediation Process that is available for any of their missionaries.  This process, using trained mediators that are neutral to the parties but who are grated permission to speak into the lives of the people needing the healing, has been used around the world in same-culture and cross-cultural settings. The two-day process is designed to help people understand and respond to God’s spiritual objectives in the situation, understand the hurts and offenses, offer and receive forgiveness, experience reconciliation and begin moving towards resolution. If there is enough interest in the Relational Healing mediator training we can explore offering it in Japan. Please send us an e-mail at membercare@jema.org.

Imagine building a raft lashing the following four “logs” together before we leave:

Reconciliation

Affirmation

Farewells

Think Destination

Reconciliation—Any time we face a move from one place to another, it’s easy to deal with tensions in relationships by ignoring them.  We think “I won’t see these people again, so why bother trying to work out our differences?”  When we refuse to resolve our interpersonal conflicts we ignore the whole process of closure and are unable to move on and build the rest of our RAFT.  We carry with us the mental baggage of unresolved problems.  Old discontentment can interfere with starting new relationships.  Reconciliation includes both the need to forgive and be forgiven.  How that is done depends on many factors, but we have to be sure we are doing all we can do to reconcile any broken relationships before leaving.

Affirmation—Acknowledge that each person in our relationships matter.  Do things like tell your coworkers how you have enjoyed working with them, your friends how important their friendship has been, give a note of appreciation to your neighbors for their kindness, reassure your parents and siblings of your love and respect and that you don’t leave them lightly.  Part of closure is acknowledging our blessings—both to rejoice in them and properly mourn their passing.

Farewells—Saying goodbye to people, places, pets, possessions in culturally appropriate ways is important if we don’t want to have deep regrets later.  We need to schedule time for these farewells during the last few days and weeks.  Openly acknowledging this time as a true goodbye is important.  If you have children, be sure you schedule time for them to say goodbye to these significant ones in their lives, as well.

Think Destination—Even as we are saying goodbye, we need to be thinking realistically about our destination.  Where are we going?  What are some positives and negatives we can expect to find once we get there?  What are our external support structures and our internal resources for coping with the problems we might find?  Who can help us adjust?

There is no way we can avoid the chaos and confusion of the transition process.  We can keep in mind that it is normal, and that it will pass if we hang on long enough.  Keep this in mind: Leaving right is a key to entering right.  By preparing our RAFT we can go through proper closure.

For more materials on the transition process see Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken, published by Intercultural Press (available on amazon.com).

 Grief has been defined as the normal process of reacting to a loss. The loss may be physical, social or occupational. Emotional reactions of grief can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness and despair. Physical reactions of grief can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems or illness.[i]   Missionaries experience many losses that other people do not. When people grieve because of the death of a loved one, there are rituals they go through do enable them to resolve their grief. When missionaries grieve their losses, the tendency is to discredit the pain with true but perhaps overly spiritual statements of this being the cost of serving Christ, therefore carrying around a load of unexpressed, unresolved grief.  Our losses are unique, but there are recurring themes. In an informal poll of missionary friends each one mentioned leaving or saying goodbye to family, friends, churches, and places, both in their home country and in Japan. Second was missing out on significant family relationships, particularly between grandchildren and grandparents. Several mentioned the grief of having seen Japanese friends almost come to a point of conversion only to have that person move away, physically or spiritually, or similarly a ministry that wasn’t completed or wasn’t sustained. In a small pamphlet, What Missionaries Ought to Know about Grief,[ii] Ron Koteskey gives a brief outline of what we can do about our grief. He says we can first of all, be honest. The loss and the grief we experience are real. Don’t deny that it really hurts. Then, be informed. Learn about grief, and recognize the symptoms. Dr. Koteskey tells us to be Christian. He refers to 1 Thessalonians where it is implied that we grieve like people who have hope!  He gives Biblical examples of men who grieved – Abraham, Jacob, David, and our Lord Jesus. If Jesus wept at the funeral of a friend, we certainly can grieve our losses. Finally Dr. Koteskey tells us to be missionaries with a summary of the farewell process in the example of missionary Paul’s goodbye in Acts 20:17-21:1. Grieving always takes time, so you try to short circuit the grieving process, you may well experience problems later. If you find yourself “stuck” in your grief, it would be good for you to find professional help to make the transition from unhealthy grief to a healthier coping style.  Above all, know that God’s comfort can and will sustain us in our time of grief.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Matthew 5:4 (NIV) 

[i] http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=24274  accessed 9/6/07

[ii] http://www.missionarycare.com/brochures/br_grief.htm access 9/6/07

Resilience is the process of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences. Resilient people overcome adversity, bounce back from setbacks, and can thrive under extreme, ongoing pressure without acting in dysfunctional or harmful ways. On the other hand, people who are less resilient may dwell on problems, feel victimized or become overwhelmed and turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms including addictive behaviors such as drugs, alcohol and pornography.

A study was made of resiliency and retention of missionaries in Africa who had gone through traumatic events yet continued to serve. Factors which contributed to their resilience and that were already demonstrated in their lives before the traumatic event included a strong personal call to be where they were, words from God and sturdy relationships. Following the trauma, these people experienced the ‘keeper side’ of God, and heard supportive words from their leaders who acknowledged the event and actively worked to find out how the worker was coping. One of the unexpected results from the trauma included embracing sudden transitions as doors to new ministries. (Brown, Mobile Member Care Team)

In Japan one can see the gaman spirit—where perseverance is highly valued. It is possible for missionaries in Japan to gaman, but not be resilient. Sue Takamoto wrote of a transformation that takes place in successfully adapted missionaries—“a move from black and white, egocentric thinking to an ability to become more flexible and open.” (Takamoto)

Some people seem to be more naturally resilient than others, but the literature emphasizes that resiliency is something that can be learned. Make a practice of healthy self-care—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Develop good interpersonal relationships since resilient people are not “lone rangers.” In times of difficulty, a resilient person benefits from a network of friends. Cultivate a thankful heart. Practice and give forgiveness. Use humor and laughter—remaining positive or finding humor in distressing or stressful situations doesn’t mean you’re in denial, but is a helpful coping mechanism. A missionary working in a crisis situation was advised to make time every day to read a chapter of a novel—he called it his island of comfort in the midst of the difficulty.

A significant feature of resilient people is that they expect things to work out. They accept and anticipate change. The struggle to bounce back and recover from setbacks can lead to developing strengths and abilities they didn’t know they have. They learn good lessons from bad experiences. In James we are reminded that the testing of our faith develops perseverance, which must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. And the one who perseveres is called blessed. (James 1:3, 4, 12)

O’Donnell writes “In my experience, both surviving and thriving are realities for Christian workers … There is an uneven flow to life, and resiliency, like the ability to thrive, is developed through hard times.”
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O’Donnell, Kelly, “12 Treasures—Future Directions for Member Care,” http://www.momentum-mag.org/200605/200605-article10.pdf

Brown, Ronald, “Resilience in Ministry Despite Trauma,” www.mmct.org/resilience.php

Takamoto, Susan, Dissertation: “Liminality and the North American Missionary Adjustment Process in Japan” P. 266